Loving what is..

23 May

Ubud, Bali. Overcast day, sun attempting to peep through the clouds.

9.30am. 25°C.

Balinese black coffee with raw palm sugar in a blue mug.

Books. Journals. Planner. Oracle Cards. Mac book Pro, 13”.

Ben Harper. Birds, bugs and distant farming equipment.

As I again find myself in a place of transition, I woke this morning and felt compelled to open the computer, log in to Word Press and get my little fingers typing into this tool of self-expression.  It has been a long time between visits. And as of today, rather than only inform a select group of people who I am guaranteed will love and adore me regardless of what or how I write, I endeavour to allow the world to meet my inside. My real self, the authentic Alex – freckles, spelling mistakes, confusion, imperfections and all.

I read a beautiful little quote, or rather a prayer in a book that I am enthralled in at the moment called “Loving What Is” by the interesting American author Byron Katie and it read a little somethin’ like this:

“If I had a prayer, it would be this: God/Universe, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen”

I invite you to take a moment to really think about these words, feel it.  Explore yourself.

I know that when I turned to this page, I really connected with this statement. Perhaps it was this short sentence that has provided the inspiration for me to be more open and not as guarded?

All sorts of questions flooded my overactive mind. These included:

–       At what point did we decide that it was not okay to show the world who we really are? Is it because our vulnerabilities make us feel weak, or less of a person?

–       Why do we pretend to be something that we are not a large majority of our life? In social situations, at work, online, on the phone..

–       Is it the fear of not obtaining acceptance, approval and love from others and/or society that keep us in a continuous pattern of inauthenticity?

–       How did we get so disconnected? 

–       Is it this specific desire for approval that keeps us from living the life we truly want? Why is it so difficult to admit what we really want?

–       Are most people fearful of being ‘different’, of going against the regular grain, or is self discovery/exploration just too much work?

–       Imagine what we could achieve if love, approval and appreciation were absent from our awareness..

Hmm… My brain ticks.  Tick. Tick. Tick. 

So if you are looking for airbrushed Facebook photos of myself, where I only look slim and freckle-less, oh and popular, abort reading now. I repeat. Abort mission. But if you embrace the opposite, I encourage you to come along for one girls journey of self discovery.  I aim to provide the opposite. A truth and honesty that perhaps you can relate to. Maybe I won’t appear as pretty, but I surely will be painting a more truthful picture of who I really am.

I really do believe that laughing is as good for you as smiling, so here we go… My journey of attempting to expose all of myself in a bid to get to know myself on a deeper level and discover what it is that I really do want from this lifetime..


Let the ride continue..

Gypsy xx 


2 Responses to “Loving what is..”

  1. Bekkyrae May 23, 2012 at 3:18 am #

    You are beautiful and so honest, love you sweet pea.
    Glad to see you are writing again xx

  2. Buttons Saved My Life May 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm #

    A beautiful honest account of your journey..
    The transition between your 20’s and 30’s, where you move from the outside to the inside. I look forward to Following, as your journey lights my way xxx

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